


Utica Goes To The Dentist

by orphan_account



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race (US) RPF
Genre: Dentistry, F/F, Toothache, uh oh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 10:08:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29366796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Oh no, Utica's tooth hurts! Will she have a cavity or something more? Plus, her dentist is Miz Cracker the drag queen! What is she doing there and will she and Utica hit off?
Relationships: Utica Queen/Miz Cracker
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	Utica Goes To The Dentist

Oh no, Utica’s tooth hurts! Will she have a cavity or something more? Plus, her dentist is Miz Cracker the drag queen! What’s she doing here and will she and Utica hit it off? Read on to find out!

“Ow ow ow!” Utica was eating tan bark when there was a sharp pain in her tooth. She swallowed the piece she was eating, tearing up her esophagus but it was yummy so who cares. She shoved her fingers in her grimy mouth and felt around in there. 

“Yeowch!” One of her back teeth felt like a knife was stabbing it! Utica got up and said bye to the five year olds who were playing at the playground too and she got in her 2005 Dodge Caravan and drove home. Once she got to her kooky bright pink house, she Googled a dentist nearby and found one nearby. She got on her rotary phone and dialed the number to make an appointment. 

“Hello, Cracker and Co Dentistry, how may we help you?” 

“Hey what’s up hello, Jesus Christ has a message for you that I wanna show- oops! I’m singing the Christian version of Trap Queen. Hi I’m Utica, my toothy hurts weally weally bad, I need to see a dentist wight away! 🥺”

“...Okay Utica... Our main dentist is here today so you can swing by when you’d like.”

“Great thanks!” Utica hung up and drank a whole bottle of coconut maple syrup her aunt got her when she was in Hawaii and headed out. 

“Mmm, oh-oh-OH NO!!” Silly Utica, you’re allergic to coconut maple syrup! She thought and pulled over. She got out of her minivan and pulled her bell bottoms and Tinkerbell undies down and crouched over the side walk and had explosive diarrhea. 

“Ahhh, much better.” She said and wiped with her hand, then wiped her hand on the grass. Utica got back in the super car 3000 and drove over to the dentist, but she got lost because she forgot to ask the address so she pulled over when she saw a homeless lady. 

“Hello there, do you know where Cracker and Co Dentistry is?"

"Oh, sorry, I know where that is, eh. Keep on goin down this road and turn right, eh." Utica nodded.

"Thank you, you're a kind lady. What's your name?" The lady snorted three lines and drank a full bottle of tequila before answering.

"Sorry, the name's Brooke Lynn, eh. I'm Canadian, eh, sorry, eh." 

"Well, nice to meet you, see you round!" Utica sped off and followed the sweet woman's directions. In no time, she was there, and the building was bright pink just like her house!

"Wowsers!" Utica hopped out of the Caravan literally and broke her knees but she recovered. She walked in and it was super awesome in there; all bright pink and glittery!

"Hello miss, do you have an appointment."

"No, a lady told me to just come over." The lady at the counter's eyes widened.

"Oh. You must be Utica. Right, then let's get you set up." Utica goofily walked behind the lady and they entered a room with a disco ball in it and drag race playing on the tv.

"The dentist will be with you shortly."

"Okie dokies!" Utica funnily said and sat down in the big, fluffy, pink chair. Soon enough, the dentist was there. And holy spaghetti!

"Miz Cracker!" Miz Cracker flashed Utica a charming smile.

"What's your problem today Miz Utica?" Utica cutely giggled at the name.

"Well, my tooth really hurts." Cracker nodded and inspected her mouth.

"Oh dear. Looks like it's gonna have to be extracted. Laughing gas or novacane?" 

"Laughing gas please!" Utica didn't know what those were but laughing gas sounded fun. 

"Alright, here you go. Let's get to pullin!" Cracker pulled out Utica's rotten, decayed tooth with no problem. Utica felt loopy so she kissed Cracker!

"I love you Cracker, be my bride?" Cracker nodded.

"Yes!" Cracker carried Utica out and they got in Cracker's 1986 Honda Civic and drove to Las Vegas to get married by Elvis.

Happily ever after, da end <3


End file.
